si-mexico Chapter 96 Xiao Hui asks Lin Yue why she hasn't gotten a divorce.
Chapter 96 Xiao Hui asks Lin Yue why she hasn't gotten a divorce.
Two months before the wedding, and with Xiao Bao's wedding still to go, a month had passed since the wedding invitation was given. In that month, relatives, friends, and acquaintances from all walks of life arrived one after another, keeping Lin Yue quite busy. By the second month, she finally had some free time.
After some free time, Lin Yue took Xiao Hui and a group of elderly people to explore the valley. The rat spirit and willow tree spirit had already warned the other spirits in the valley to behave themselves for the next few months, as too many people were coming. They were warned not to get caught or captured, or they wouldn't be able to blame their master for not warning them. So, for the past few days, the spirits in the valley had been like quails, obediently cultivating in their nests, not venturing out or speaking human language. Whether they had cultivation or not, they all knew they had to obey this time, or they would be in big trouble.
After dinner, everyone enjoyed the cool air in the valley. The temperature in the valley was just right; outside it was already thirty-seven or thirty-eight degrees Celsius, even forty degrees, but here it was only twenty-seven or twenty-eight degrees, making it incredibly comfortable. A gentle evening breeze made everyone feel extremely pleasant, and the stars twinkled outside while inside it was quiet and peaceful. Lin Yue, Xiao Hui, and some family members, mostly women, along with some elderly men and women, sat together chatting.
At this moment, Xiao Hui asked Lin Yue, "Can I ask you a question? This question has been bothering me for almost twenty years. I've always wanted to ask it, but I just can't bring myself to ask it."
Lin Yue said, "Just ask. You're this old, what do you want to know?"
Xiao Hui said, "Why didn't you get a divorce when you were at your poorest?"
After Xiaohui finished speaking, Lin Yue was stunned and didn't say anything. At this moment, Lao Xiao also chimed in, "That's right, Lin Yue, back then your relationship with Gong Yong was so bad. He only gave you one or two thousand yuan a month for living expenses, and his parents never helped you take care of the child for even a day. I felt so sorry for you back then. The child's clothes were all hand-me-downs, and you hadn't bought any clothes for yourself for years. You also had to put up with his bad temper when he occasionally came home. Actually, as a man, I don't understand why you didn't get a divorce back then, given your abilities?"
Lin Yue glanced at Gong Yong sitting next to her, who was grinning foolishly. Gong Yong chimed in, "Ask your wife, can you tell me about your feelings back then? Actually, I'm quite ashamed. I always wondered why you didn't divorce me. You're so capable. At first, I thought you didn't want me anymore and would divorce me. I was anxious for years. But I found that you had no such thoughts at all. Instead, you wholeheartedly devoted yourself to raising the children with me, helping them grow up, and going through so many life-or-death situations together. Actually, I never really understood you. To be honest, Lin Yue, my wife, I'm so glad I met you in this life, and I'm so glad you didn't divorce me, and you didn't say anything hurtful."
Lin Yue said calmly: "During those bad years in my marriage, I thought about divorce hundreds of times. But would divorce necessarily make things better? Abilities don't improve instantly, and good fortune doesn't fall from the sky. Besides, I simply can't live without my child. So, I made a tough decision, to be realistic and pragmatic, and to focus all my energy on myself. I decided to rebuild myself, to become more beautiful, stronger, and happier first, and then make a decision when I have the power to choose."
When I actually did this, my marriage and I actually started to improve. This was because my perspective, behavior patterns, personal state, attention to and expectations of others, and my entire energy field all changed.
So, let me break free from the shackles of emotion. The fundamental solution to this predicament always lies in our own hands. No matter what, I must live well. Eat properly, drink plenty of water, go to bed on time, and reduce late nights; don't let my body become too exhausted, so I'll have the energy to deal with other things. Secondly, I must try to maintain effective "working" time and not let myself be too idle. If a person constantly dwells on grand but unsolvable, unanswerable issues, they are easily trapped in emotional turmoil, and emotions can truly overwhelm a person. During my time at home full-time or in the gap between job hunting, I will spend a lot of time "losing weight," to feel a sense of control over my life.
The above summarizes the changes I made and my mindset during that period. Secondly, I understood Gong Yong's difficulties because he and I grew up in different environments.
I grew up in a happy and harmonious family. Although it was a rural family, my parents loved me dearly, and we never had any major conflicts. My parents never argued in front of my brothers and me; they discussed things together and never yelled at each other. Our family was quite democratic; we resolved issues at the dinner table, everyone expressed their opinions, and then made the right choice. Sometimes, if I expressed my opinion and my parents disagreed, my father would help me analyze the pros and cons and let me decide for myself. I understood the good and bad of each choice. Growing up in such an environment felt incredibly easy. My maternal grandmother was a well-educated and sensible woman who passed on her life experience to my mother. My mother and father lived together, discussing things rationally and lovingly. Therefore, when I got together with Gong Yong, I initially found it difficult to accept his many flaws, his chauvinistic tendencies, and the childhood trauma from his family of origin.
The first year of our marriage, we spent Chinese New Year at his home. That was the first time I'd spent so much time with his parents. They would argue over trivial things, their arguments like knives stabbing each other in the heart, deliberately choosing words to embarrass and hurt the other. Growing up surrounded by this environment, Gong Yong didn't try to solve problems; instead, he would blame each other and verbally attack one another. So whenever he lost his temper and said hurtful things to me, I would only glance at him and never reply. I knew that responding would inevitably lead to an argument, with each of us stabbing the other in the heart. The words spoken in anger truly felt like sharp knives.
My mother-in-law, Gong Yong's mother, has uterine cancer. Having learned from my past experiences, when Gong Yong told me those things, I always let it go in one ear and out the other. His upbringing was like that, and I understand my mother-in-law's hardships, and how her past environment shaped her personality. She simply turned herself into a hedgehog to protect herself. Because her grandmother treated her badly, and there were many conflicts between them, in those days, her actions were all for self-protection.
Actually, Gong Yong's biggest problem is the trauma of his childhood. Once, because of a loan issue, I lent 3,000 yuan to a friend in Beijing without his permission, maxing out my credit card to help him out. Gong Yong had a huge fight with me about it, saying he'd rather max out his credit card to help a friend than consider his own financial situation. He also broke a baby bottle; I didn't know until I stepped barefoot into the room and injured myself on the glass. Later, I cleaned up the broken glass. When his father went out to work, his mother lent her only savings of 30,000 yuan to her brother, who denied it and refused to repay it. His father was furious when he returned, which was also a reason for his parents' arguments. After we got married, our finances were basically separate, essentially splitting expenses equally. This was the situation between Gong Yong and me before. I understood his difficulties; he hadn't made any major mistakes, hadn't had any extramarital affairs, and hadn't spent money recklessly. It's just that some childhood trauma made him conflicted about certain things.
His parents were not highly educated and could not read much, so no one taught him how to conduct himself or get along with others. When we were dating, he said he envied me, envied that my parents never argued, and envied the atmosphere of my home. This was the reason he pursued me; all he wanted was a warm home.
He also told me that during his childhood, his father had an affair, and his mother, in an attempt to save the marriage, left him and his younger brother for a period of time. During that time, he lived with his aunt and had a difficult life, essentially living as a dependent. So, he was also a victim. In contrast, my childhood was happy and fulfilling, while his was filled with hardship and displacement. He also mentioned that when his mother was upset and argued with his father, she would take it out on him, repeatedly beating him until he was covered in bruises.
As our own children grew older, Gong Yong found himself under increasing pressure and began to lose control of his emotions, taking it out on the children. I didn't argue back before, but one time he hit them too hard, and I started to argue back—not physically, but because I was very angry about his inability to control his emotions.
What I find most objectionable is Gong Yong's contact with his mother. Every time they talk, I can clearly sense that he's emotionally unstable. Every year when we go home for Chinese New Year, his parents argue daily, refusing to back down over trivial matters, deliberately saying hurtful and embarrassing things. Even when I, as their daughter-in-law, am home with both of their daughters-in-law, the elderly couple actually hurl insults at each other, almost coming to blows. In such an environment, how can a child not grow up with a distorted personality?
Both brothers exhibited strange behavior when choosing wives. The younger brother said he particularly envied his older brother and sister-in-law for never arguing, so he found his current girlfriend who doesn't argue with him. Frankly, he's afraid of arguing; this stems from childhood trauma—witnessing his parents' quarrels and even physical fights. Now, their parents are in their sixties and seventies, still unable to control their emotions, showing no improvement, and still verbally attacking each other for their weaknesses.
So I don't want to live that kind of life, and I strongly oppose Gong Yong contacting his parents, because every phone call will have an impact. Moreover, I don't want that atmosphere to affect the children's growth. I'm raising three children in the city, and Gong Yong's parents want to take the children back to their rural hometown to raise them, not because they're afraid the children will suffer, but because they're afraid that if the children grow up in that kind of environment, they'll become like their father, unable to control their emotions, and saying vicious and hurtful things to the people they love most.
Gong Yong listened intently as his wife, Lin Yue, poured out her frustrations. Lin Yue knew that Gong Yong was paying the price for her own childhood. Her parents had argued over 3 yuan during her childhood, leading to initial distrust between Lin Yue and Gong Yong regarding finances. Later, when Lin Yue bought a house, her parents wanted to move in, but Lin Yue resented this, largely because the elderly couple couldn't control their emotions, constantly verbally abusing her, which was irritating. Furthermore, Old Yang was somewhat greedy.
Lin Yue sighed as she finished speaking. Xiao Hui said, "I never imagined you'd suffered so much."
Lin Yue said, "Actually, after experiencing all this, looking at these things from an outsider's perspective, from God's point of view, I feel much more at ease. Because I've grown. Look at me now, I'm in my seventies or eighties, and talking about these things doesn't bother me anymore. Because I've been through it, I couldn't get over that mental hurdle during my spiritual practice, and it was particularly painful. But once I really crossed that threshold, I realized that these things are nothing. Only when you are strong enough inside can you get rid of all these problems. Only when you are financially independent can you be a spiritually independent person and do whatever you want."
Xiao Hui continued, "After going through all that, didn't you really, really want a divorce back then? So why didn't you end up getting one?"
Lin Yue said, "Back then, I had just started cultivating, and I had created a space. You all know about the laws of space. Actually, I thought about it. If I really divorced Gong Yong, either my three children would stay with him, leaving me with nothing—and all the money I worked so hard to earn was for this family, right? Or I would take my three children, and Gong Yong would leave with nothing. But you know what? Gong Yong and I have persevered for a long time. Because I thought about it, if I really divorced Gong Yong, and if the laws of space existed afterward, do you think the higher-ups would arrange a husband for me? Or all sorts of powerful families and people who wanted my things would try every means to become my husband. Then my three children..." What about the children? I face the risk of having another one. Is that man truly sincere towards my children and me? It's a huge question mark. Maybe all he wants is the cultivation method of the spatial laws or money. There are too many people with ulterior motives. I'd rather stay with Gong Yong. You might not believe it, but actually, people from powerful families have appeared around Gong Yong and me, trying to separate us and intrude into our families. We just both noticed. Didn't you notice that Gong Yong stopped going to work? Actually, girls from powerful families have started appearing around him, specifically to seduce him. Handsome men from powerful families have also appeared around me. Look at my three children, especially my two daughters. Those so-called childhood sweethearts from powerful families, trying to grow up with them—haven't they tried to seduce us a few times? Gong Yong withstood the test and wasn't seduced by other women, and I withstood the test and wasn't seduced by other men. That shows our resolve is strong. Since our goal is nothing more than our three children, why can't we be more tolerant and accept each other's flaws?
After seeing all this, you realize that as long as the original husband doesn't commit any major fundamental errors, what his parents say is meaningless. Lin Yue and Gong Yong have always lived in Rongcheng, while his parents are in their hometown. As long as they don't go back and don't live with his parents, it doesn't affect them much. Later, some of the things his mother said went too far, so Lin Yue simply never went back to her rural hometown again, nor did she see his parents, living a carefree life with her three children. Why accept a life like that, which is like garbage? Isn't it easier to stay away from people and things with dark energy? Xiao Hui, don't you think so? Xiao Hui said yes, Lao Xiao said yes, and Gong Yong said yes.
When Lin Yue heard her husband say yes, she looked up at Gong Yong. Gong Yong said, "Wife, I'm sorry, this is so late." Lin Yue accepted it with relief, because she knew that in the past few years, ever since she understood things, ever since she began cultivating and mastering the laws of space, and started earning a large income for the family, Gong Yong had felt inferior. This grown man should have been the pillar of the family, but he hadn't. He couldn't; he only had the limited ability to provide a good life for his wife and children. All the good life they had later enjoyed was earned through his wife's hard work and dedication in her cultivation. Everything, including his own later cultivation and the recognition from these spirits, ultimately stemmed from the fact that he was Lin Yue's husband and the father of their three children. So, is it always a matter of one prevailing over the other between men and women? That's a big question mark.
As people get older, they understand many things better. Don't look at things from the victim's perspective; look at it from a higher, more objective standpoint. Lin Yue was lucky to have a happy family and grow up happily, while Gong Yong was tragic; he didn't have a happy childhood, nor good parents. So, when Lin Yue and Gong Yong got married, their families were from very different backgrounds. Lin Yue wanted to change Gong Yong, but those were childhood traumas that would take a lifetime to heal. Lin Yue gave up on changing him and simply chose to ignore them.
Xiao Hui asked Lin Yue, "Weren't you heartbroken back then? You always looked so gloomy, how did you get through it?" Lin Yue replied, "I don't know how I got through it either. I thought about my child, about how my parents raised me, and then I looked at Gong Yong's face. He was like a child back then, never growing up, and many of the things he said were incredibly hurtful. But as I got older, he seemed to get better. Maybe it was because I had less contact with his parents, and he stopped saying those things. Sometimes he would annoy me, and I would get angry too, and I would throw little tantrums. I once made him not sleep with me for six months. Actually, I was quite indifferent back then, I thought, 'At worst, it'll just be...'" I'll leave the kids to him, and I'll go out and enjoy myself, making more money. When the kids grow up, I'll leave each of them a villa; he'll eventually have to acknowledge me as his mother. Actually, that's what I thought with the worst possible intentions. But then I thought about it again. This man hasn't done anything terribly wrong; he hasn't been unfaithful. He just might not know how to respect others. I'm the one who brought up the word "respect" with him because his parents disrespected me, and he started disrespecting me too. What angered me was his disrespect. Finally, after I became financially independent, I stopped caring about these things. The reason I didn't care was because even if we separated again someday, I would have the financial means to support my three children. Good mental and financial independence is a lesson every woman should learn. (While everyone was chatting, I didn't notice how many people had joined the conversation!)